As I had alluded to, the conflict I faced with my friend caused me to do a lot of soul searching. In the middle of all the confusion and mayhem, I also was stressed out about a couple of parties I wanted to plan for my birthday--I ultimately wanted to have a fantastic birthday eleganza extravagza weekend.
Let me take you back a good month before my life succumbed to such confusion--when the biggest worry I had wasn't about discerning where I stand in both my friendships with Bill and my opinionated best friend, instead it was over finding a venue to celebrate my 24th birthday with my friends and family. In downtown Chattanooga I knew I found the perfect spot. It was off of Market Street, near all the night life at which I wanted to pour myself into, or at the very least, have a ice cold, fruity, sweet beverage poured for me.
After finding my venue, the next battle I had to conquer was finding the perfect dress. Because I was venturing into my mid-twenties, I knew I had to make an appearance in something that not only celebrated my age, personality, and heighten self-esteem, but something that also honored my successes, such as obtaining my undergraduate degree, losing weight, and starting a new phase in my life--obtaining my master's. Who knew that an outfit could do so much? Simply put, I wanted to wear an outfit that made me feel like me. Although I was apprehensive about the future because of the changes I was facing, I felt like I was on top of the world--like everything was coming together.
Once the idea and excitement of the party and shopping became overtly tangible, I typed out my invitations and sent them via Facebook. I knew that I would have no issues getting the support and attendance I needed. As the summer days of August seem to melt away, I even sent out friendly reminders the week of the party. I wanted to confirm the number of guests that would be in attendance. Again, everything seemed to come together--at least that was until the night of my first get together the day before my dinner. The turn out was pitiful.
I was in shock.
Did I miss something? Did the Facebook gods confirm guests that actually meant to decline? I was perplexed, and I felt myself panicking soon after my ladies night.
Because of the turn out of my first event, some strange voice in the back of mind repeatedly convinced me that I should cancel my dinner and just do something independently,yet I still decided to go through with the risk of making myself look like a fool.
The next night when quite uneventfully. I was truly surprised to see the people that were there. A few of them were friends that I hadn't spoken to in a while, and some of the guests were friends of friends. Overall, I was thankful that regardless of the lack of communication I shared with the people at my party, they decided to celebrate with me that night. Again, there continued to be a number of people that said they would be at the dinner that didn't show up. The ones that I thought meant something to me, to my life, were M.I.A.
Although my birthday weekend had not gone nearly as well as I had hoped, it wasn't nearly as bad as last year, which I had blocked out of my mind. An almost similar situation happened and I honestly had completely forgotten about it. The only reason my 23rd birthday crept back into my thoughts was because my best friend Biggs had drawn comparisons between the two. Just as a brief overview, last year was a lot more simpler. I had asked some of my friends to come out to dinner with me. It ended up being only me, my best friend Smith, Shannon and Shannon's boyfriend. Again, where did people go? Where were my supposed friends?
I had a conflict with technology... Or shall I say, I had a conflict with the people that clearly didn't use technology to inform me of their presence.
There are so many outlets of communication, and I'm truly at a loss at why people chose not to utilize them. Why even have cell phones, texting, Facebook, e-mail, etc? Better yet, what happened to the age old phone call? What ever happened to people just calling you up, and not using such forms of communication as a cop out? Is it laziness, fear, or cowardice? I suppose though that beggars can't be choosers. I suppose an excuse is better than no excuse; however, at what point have people forgotten to consider your feelings, or take a moment just step in your shoes even though they are metallic gold, 4-inch heels?
Showing posts with label the unexpected. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the unexpected. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Underestimation Part 3
He said he was cool with everything. Simple enough and I'm satisfied with that. Quite honestly, I didn't expect for him to be as chill and mature about the situation as he was. I was amazed that he never treated me differently even though he knew how I felt this whole time. I find that it's easy for people to unexpectedly pull away when they discover that you have some sort of feelings for them and they feel the opposite. At that particular moment, I actually assumed that once I told him how I felt, it would alter the relationship that we currently had. I assumed that he would quit talking to me; I assumed that he would distance himself; I assumed that he would pretend that I didn't exist. None of those things happened. If anything, I felt that by finally admitting my feelings, the air was cleared, and that gray cloud of awkwardness that tends to permeate such atmospheres never surfaced. It was nice. I felt relieved. No, I didn't get what I wanted, but I didn't lose anything either in the process.
All in all, I learned somethings from this situation even though I feel that I'm at a different place with my friend, currently (this particular story took place a couple of weeks ago). I feel that it's best to always be honest and open with people when you start to feel something differently-- whether positive or negative. This could be in a relationship, friendship, whatever. I feel that in being honest and open, especially when the moment seems conducive, it saves a lot of time and hopefully cuts down on all the anticipation and wonder (at least in my case).
I also learned that there is nothing wrong with taking the time to get to know people. I've found that most serious relationships fail because we really didn't know what we were getting into in the beginning (in not all, but many circumstances). As John Legend says, "We're ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow..." Yes, some may put you in the "Friend Box", and sometimes you'll never come out, but maybe that isn't a bad thing. A good friend once told me that sometimes you have to go through a bunch of crappy relationships and hook-ups to realize what you have, or maybe even had, to begin with.
Furthermore, as I've mentioned before, I know how it feels to be burned by others because people change. Sometimes, we don't get the results we want. I feel that when things like this happen, surround yourself with positive people. Trust, it makes all of the difference.
At the end of the day, we are human. Some of us are more sensitive than others. No matter how strong we may act, normally, typically, it's just a front. It's just a mask. We aren't suppose to show that we are hurt, sad, dismayed, etc. Sometimes our friends, or maybe even society, expect us to quickly pretend that something or someone didn't exist. Sometimes, people just don't understand. Once again, find what gives you the most comfort in any given situation, and always try to anticipate your reaction, or the worse case of scenario in a given situation. If you know you can't handle "rejection" well, then you may want to consider if it's worth even saying how you feel. Sometimes, it best not knowing. Sometimes, it's best to just let things happen naturally (I struggle with this most). It's also possible for people's feelings to change. It's all in a days work. Just remember what I said. Stay honest, real, and true to yourself.
No matter the challenges or rejections, no matter the disappointments, no matter the numerous "Friend Boxes" you're placed in, never be scared to take a risk--never give up on love, and I truly mean that.
-Jill Renee
All in all, I learned somethings from this situation even though I feel that I'm at a different place with my friend, currently (this particular story took place a couple of weeks ago). I feel that it's best to always be honest and open with people when you start to feel something differently-- whether positive or negative. This could be in a relationship, friendship, whatever. I feel that in being honest and open, especially when the moment seems conducive, it saves a lot of time and hopefully cuts down on all the anticipation and wonder (at least in my case).
I also learned that there is nothing wrong with taking the time to get to know people. I've found that most serious relationships fail because we really didn't know what we were getting into in the beginning (in not all, but many circumstances). As John Legend says, "We're ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow..." Yes, some may put you in the "Friend Box", and sometimes you'll never come out, but maybe that isn't a bad thing. A good friend once told me that sometimes you have to go through a bunch of crappy relationships and hook-ups to realize what you have, or maybe even had, to begin with.
Furthermore, as I've mentioned before, I know how it feels to be burned by others because people change. Sometimes, we don't get the results we want. I feel that when things like this happen, surround yourself with positive people. Trust, it makes all of the difference.
At the end of the day, we are human. Some of us are more sensitive than others. No matter how strong we may act, normally, typically, it's just a front. It's just a mask. We aren't suppose to show that we are hurt, sad, dismayed, etc. Sometimes our friends, or maybe even society, expect us to quickly pretend that something or someone didn't exist. Sometimes, people just don't understand. Once again, find what gives you the most comfort in any given situation, and always try to anticipate your reaction, or the worse case of scenario in a given situation. If you know you can't handle "rejection" well, then you may want to consider if it's worth even saying how you feel. Sometimes, it best not knowing. Sometimes, it's best to just let things happen naturally (I struggle with this most). It's also possible for people's feelings to change. It's all in a days work. Just remember what I said. Stay honest, real, and true to yourself.
No matter the challenges or rejections, no matter the disappointments, no matter the numerous "Friend Boxes" you're placed in, never be scared to take a risk--never give up on love, and I truly mean that.
-Jill Renee
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