Underestimation Part 1

There are a many parts of life that I absolutely love. For this situation, I'll cover two. I love when life's very aspects that seem predictable, shatter my perceptions. I also love facing the unknown--taking risks. These very risks develop into some major/minor crossroads that usually develop and make up our experiences.
As I've written before, I felt that I was going through a somewhat usual, but common situation. Of course, I was steadily becoming interested with someone that I felt probably didn't share the same feelings. I had been experiencing an internal conflict with my predicament. Like I said in my last blog, I knew it was going to be hard to express myself because I knew that I was becoming good friends with my admirer. I worried that because we were developing a great friendship, I was locking myself into the "Friend Box". Eventually, I decided that I wasn't going to let my fear of being trapped in the friend box deter me from saying how I actually feel.

The consequences of my debauched confession were utterly surprising.

Some nights ago, I decided to confront my "dilemma". Before making this decision, I of course tried to predict every possible outcome as realistically as I could. I knew I was risking many factors: number one, (a grave concern to me) ruining my friendship--which I knew I absolutely did not want to do; two, I thought that there could be a small chance that he could possibly feel the same for me (a really SMALL, TINY, SPECK of a chance); three, he would avoid me like the plague and (this goes without saying) treat me differently because of how I felt. Ultimately, I had to ask myself that even in considering all the plausible circumstances, is it worth it? Because of how I felt and because I didn't want to go through my life wondering "what if", I decided that I had to express my feelings.
Just to quickly interject, I always admire people that take emotional risks in life, considering the situation. It's really hard to tell people how you feel because... well let's just face it, we make ourselves vulnerable. Sometimes, we're burned or hurt so badly when we take such risks, that we begin to question the very thing(s) that prompted us to even fathom our decisions, such as deciding to confess our feelings, or deciding to jump into a relationship. When our risks don't produce favorable outcomes or positive experiences, we begin to live our lives in apprehension for fear of being hurt or disappointed. Personally, I hate feeling embarrassed, idiotic, and/or naive. Many people have made me feel that way at various points of my life.
I think I've learned from my mistakes in the past, and I came to realize that should my admirer not respect my feelings--should he make me feel ashamed or embarrassed, I shouldn't have him in my life. THE END. Flat out, I'm too old for games. I'm too old to associate myself with individuals that can't handle themselves maturely. I'm too old and I've worked too hard to let anyone make me feel like a fool because of my expressions.
So I took the plunge.